Be Vulnerable

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable? Who do you give permission to, to see you without any “make-up” on? We all have imperfections that we try to hide, but it’s by being vulnerable and pushing past them that we allow growth and understanding to happen. I feel like it boils down to who we feel we can trust. Don’t we only tell our deepest, darkest secrets to our partners and closest friends? I will allow myself to be vulnerable in front of you if I know that I can trust you will react in a kind way that won’t hurt my feelings. Sometimes however, we have to put ourselves in situations we’d rather not be in, say at work, for example.

Just as I had mentioned in my first post that I am not a writer (although it is my desire to become one), I am also definitely not a public speaker. I don’t enjoy speaking in front of my peers. However, a few years ago I was on a committee at work and my boss asked its members to present some information to the rest of the staff. I suddenly got extremely nervous, felt my chest tighten, and was filled with dread. I couldn’t do it. There was no way I was going to get up in front of everyone and share out some information that I was going to learn because I had to, not because I had any kind of real connection to it. I was so concerned that I would mess it up and look stupid in front of my co-workers that I went to my boss in tears pleading my case in order not to have to share out. Thankfully my boss took pity on me and let me off the hook.

Interestingly, the following year I joined another committee. This time, I felt passionate about the information. I had already put the concepts into practice in my daily routine and was eager to share the material. I went into this committee knowing that I would be one of the facilitators and would be responsible for presenting. It was a totally different situation. Because I had been using the program and had seen positive results, I was excited to share what I had learned with my peers and was able to do so with confidence. I had successfully accomplished, what in the previous year, had brought me full on anxiety. It felt great!

Last night, I watched Brené Brown’s video The Call to Courage on Netflix. In her video, Brown says that to be vulnerable is to be courageous. That you can’t have one without the other. I totally get that! You have to be courageous in order to let your guard down and put yourself into a potentially uncomfortable situation. When my husband and I first started dating, I had to tell him something about me that wasn’t easy, yet I knew it was something that had to be said. What if it was a deal breaker for him? What if by telling him this piece of information I was going to lose the one person who had finally shown me what true love was? I didn’t want to lose him, but it was my responsibility to be honest. There was nothing I could do, and I wasn’t going to try to influence his decision. I just had to hope that he could accept me for who I was and for what I was about to tell him. Talk about being vulnerable! While it wasn’t by any means easy, I found the courage and did what I knew had to be done. Butterflies did their thing in my stomach, my throat tightened and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was hopeful, but also prepared to have my heart broken. We talked it through and he asked difficult questions that I had to answer. I am forever grateful that he was willing to meet me where I was and have the desire to build a life together. We are coming up on our ten year anniversary and he is without a doubt the love of my life!

One last example of putting myself into a vulnerable situation is this blog. For me to open up and allow perfect strangers to comment on my thoughts is HUGE! I don’t know how people are going to react or what they’ll say. In Brown’s video she reflected on the perfect

quote for this from Teddy Roosevelt,

“It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the [person] who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again… but who does actually strive to do the deeds…who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

Brown says not to take criticism and feedback from people who are not willing to be brave in their own lives; people who dare not enter the arena. She says to step over the criticism they are hurling your way and move past it. I want to be in the arena of which she speaks. It’s my time. I have finally found the courage and I want to see what comes of it. How can I ever be a writer, if I never write? Will you join me in doing something in your life that will put you into the arena? I would love to hear your story! Let’s be courageous together, inspire others and allow ourselves to Be Vulnerable.